Confused at Feminism

Once upon a time I was a self-proclaimed feminist. I wore an internal badge of honor with pride because the feminist movement in America did such awesome things for women. Most of which, allowing women into a man's world. I felt like a pretty lucky gal.

            But one day I got confused at Modern Feminist Women.

            I started to feel like girls with attitudes would flash a Feminist Wild Card, then say horribly rude things; and if someone pointed out their crudeness, that someone became lumped with "woman suppresser's."

I like to respect people so I had a problem with that.

            I started to feel like being a Feminist was like joining a club. If I wanted to be a member I was required to make certain decisions, like Don't get married at 19. Don't have kids right away. NEVER postpone school. Do NOT stay at home with your kids. And, most importantly, wish and desire to be something better than just a mom.

I don't like being put in a box so I had a problem with this. (Kind of like those women from decades ago that fought to not-be-put-in-a-box.)  

            I started to feel like my fellow self-proclaimers didn't think things through very far. I would see ladies not changing their last name when they get married. I hear the roar: "We will not be owned by a man! We will not brand ourselves with his name!"

            Ok, but to those that kept their dad's name. . .?

            Cuz all I hear after the roar is, "Sorry person I'm about to marry, I'm a Woman that is too strong willed and too independent! to be swallowed up by a Man's name, so I'm going to keep the Man name my DAD gave me!"

            If I was going to show people I wasn't owned by men I would drop any and all names given to me by a man and take my own. Which means I can't keep my maiden name (it's my dad's), I can't take my mothers maiden name (it's my grandfather's), I can't choose the last name WOMAN either because MAN is represented: woMAN. Kind of like HEr, sHE, huMAN, MANkind. If MAN is going to have nothing to do with me and my name, the last name Woman still doesn't cut it.

            If I really wanted to represent and keep boys out, I would pick something as obvious as the signs from my childhood: "No Boys Allowed."  

            "First name?"

            "Meagan."

            "Last name?"

            "I Want My Own Last Name."

            "Excuse me?"

            "I get that a lot, don't worry. My last name is I-Want-My-Own-Last-Name, all separate words."

            Another self-proclaimer was telling a soon-to-be-mom-friend that becoming a mom is really hard because you lose your independence. She explained how it's so hard for her to be a mom because she misses the independence she had as a working woman (which was elementary school math teacher).

            I was like, Whaaaaaaat? Slow down and hode on.

            I get it, as a mom you need to start doing things for others instead of yourself, you should put their needs before yours, but as an elementary school math teacher, it is MANDTORY you work 5 days a week, 10 hours a day, with small children. You have restraints and restrictions on how you can and can not touch or speak to them. You must obey your boss’s rules or he/she will FIRE you. That’s the independence that’s missed? Cuz it sounds like following orders to me.

            No need to glorify the demands of motherhood, but to think you ARE independent when you have a job, but are NOT once you become a mother is ridiculous. Independence is a frame of mind. It's making a decision and then doing your absolute best while running out that decision. A woman's mind, abilities, decisions, and hard work is what makes her independent.

            I’m a fan of intelligence so I had a problem with these things.

            And then some Religious Feminist straw broke my feminist back. I understand that some religious women are feeling oppressed, suppressed, and incorrectly dressed; and I strongly believe they should work towards a life that doesn’t feel that way and hope they can find it. The end.

            Originally, I thought associating myself with Feminism felt liberating. It felt intelligent. But then it started to feel like there were Feminist Task Masters yelling, "Feminism is X,Y,Z, and if you're not X,Y,Z then you're against us! And you shame the name of Feminism!" So I decided to nix the word because really, in 2013 Western America, what’s a Feminist? I’ll not answer that, but instead stick with associating myself with words like:

            Respect

            Box Free

            Intelligent

            Independent

            Liberating the oppressed and suppressed

And I lived happily ever after.