2 Cents for a Mom with Young Kids: Cent 1

When I first became a mom I felt completely lost as to how to take care of babies and young children. I’d ask my mom questions and she would squint her face like she was trying to catch a memory inside her head, but would always respond with, “I don’t remember.” I can’t say that I blame her after 9 kids, but it made me feel pretty hopeless.

7 years and 4 kids later I feel like I have two cents I can spare for any new moms that need it. No one threw me a bone, so catch this one if you want it ladies.

Lower your expectations of your kids, keep your resolve to teach them very high. Kids are not adults, don’t expect them to act like one. Expect your grown-up friends to act like adults - not your 0-6 year olds. Your job is to pound social norms, taboos, and acceptable behavior into their tiny minds (to teach them, that is).

An adult leaves the house with the destination of going to the car, point A to point B. That adult will walk as straight as possible with next to no distractions; can take less than 1 minute. A child, in that same point A to point B scenario, will want to slowly descend the apartment steps making space ship noises pretending to be a spaceship flying above the bushes, they want to jump from shadow to shadow, they want to lay down flat on the side walk to get a good look at a crawling bug, they want to pick up the world’s best stick they just spotted 10 feet away, they want to run in circles around you chasing someone or nothing. The adult’s point B (the car) is like a kids point Z (if it even exists to them). To avoid yelling and getting frustrated at your inquisitive kid, add extra time to the time you need to get from your point A’s to point B’s. I plan on 10 minutes to get to my car, seriously. When we make it to the car in less time I’m ecstatic, when it takes the full 10 minutes everyone’s still happy because there’s no rushing. The kids got to explore, I got to the car in time so we won’t be late. Don’t expect your kid’s time table to reflect that of an adult’s, if you do, frustration and screams ensue.

Lower your expectations for your child, keep your resolve to teach them very high. I expect my 1 year old to splash and play in the toilet, to stuff his blankie into the toilet, to throw our X-box controllers into the toilet. I expect him to throw toys, underwear, blankets, fingernail polish, sippy-cups, and more over the balcony of our 3^rd story apartment. I expect him to rip out the pages of my scriptures and every other book in the house. I expect him to push the power buttons that turn off my computer and T.V. while I’m using them. I expect to find my 3 year old on top of the counters sneaking treats, and dipping toilet paper rolls into a sink full of water. I expect my 4 year old to (somehow) accidentally smear poop onto the toilet, I expect him to cry next to my leg all day because all he wants to do is play video games. I expect my 6 year old to hate going to school every day and refuse to do homework.      When I expect all of these behaviors (instead of mature, conditioned behavior) I can be on top of my game. I expect it. That way I’m not dumbfounded into screaming, slapping fits, or shocked into sudden rages of anger. I expect it. That way I can level headedly discipline.

The root word of discipline is disciple. One definition of Disciple is to teach and train (punishment is entirely different). After I come across my kid acting like a not-adult, I attempt to teach them what they should do instead.

The teaching we give little children doesn’t always seem to sink in, but we keep at it because it’s our duty. Teach them the rules at your house, the rules at the park, the rules at other people’s houses, the rules of being outside; and when they don’t follow the rules, treat it like sports, They’re Out. Time-out or whatever you use should consistently happen when they don’t follow the rules. It’s a struggle for both parties, but it’s what they need in order to best understand appropriate behavior and inappropriate behavior.  

                Ultimatums are no bueno. “If you don’t come here right now we’re never coming to the park again!” No good. Avoid ultimatums always, always, always, when trying to discipline. Ultimatums teach young ones that their parents pretty much never follow through with punishments. Kids are learning their limits by how their parents react to them. They’re figuring out what sorts of behaviors they can do without getting mom to spank them, or send them to time-out, or take away they’re privileges. Don’t underestimate their intelligence.

  KIDS FIRST LANGUAGE IS PHYSICAL. They learn best when you physically do something instead of telling them five times. When my 3 year old won’t stop hitting the metal spoon against the oven door he will let the words, “Parker! Stop that right now or you’ll go to time out,” go in and out. It’s when I walk over and physically remove him from the situation that he starts to pay attention. Parker will let me yell at him to get off the table all day because words don’t mean as much to him as going over and pulling him down off the table. And cuz he’s a brat. Young children are learning about the world; words are second in their learning process.

                Next week: Cent 2.