Green Beans

          Did you know that green beans are crunchy? I didn't. Did you know that they're firm and long and bright green and fresh for you in the produce section? I had no idea. My whole life I was eating squishy, soggy, midget, puke green "green beans" like a moron, thinking, "And that, is a green bean."

         
          Then the day came (and to be frank, not very long ago, like 8 months ago) when I ate a spoonful of casserole filled with chicken, cheese, some goods, and a crunchy-wonderful something.
             
          I asked the beautiful chef that plopped it onto my plate, "What is this delicious ingredient?!"
         
          Bewildered, it seemed, she hesitantly replied (slash asked), "Green beans?" As if that couldn't possibly be what I was inquiring about, and yet, I was.
         
          A magical green bean, I thought at first. But not wanting to look the fool, again, I put on my, "Ah yes, of course," face and nonchalantly tried to strangle out of her "WHERE?! Where did you get these magical green beans?!"
        
           "My garden," I eventually got out of her without looking suspicious.

            "Ah yes, the garden, of course. Where all magic- I mean marvelous- green beans come from," I discussed sophisticatedly.

            But inside I was crushed, for I had no garden to grow magic green beans for myself. Nonetheless, I carried on with great poise for the remainder of our light conversation, despite the blow that I would never taste such a delicious green bean again. I was doomed to eating the sorry, mushy, crappy kind.

            And then, not more than 3 weeks later, I discovered them in all their longness, and freshness, and crunchiness right in the produce section at my local grocery store. I would have never thought they'd be available to me, and yet they were there the whole time.

            It felt so good to know I could count on them. There in the produce section, waiting for me when I needed them in all their brightly green goodness. It felt good. Just as it feels good to learn the truth about anything. Whether it's because you're a dunce or being duped, truth tastes sweet to the had tongue.

            Well I'm done with canned green beans now. No more soupy, canned versions of truth either. No more disillusions coming from the canned vegetable aisles. It's time to get our goods from the garden (or produce section, that's okay right?). It's time to discuss the truth about things, the truth about ALL them green bean things.

            First on the list. . .